Do I Invite Children to my Wedding?

One of the decisions that greatly affects both guest count and overall feel of the wedding is whether children will be invited. I've coordinated weddings where the children were more well-behaved than some of the Groomsmen, especially when there's alcohol involved. I've also planned weddings where the children had meltdowns during the Ceremony and had to be escorted out and the Officiant lost his place. Thankfully, the couple (and guests) had a good laugh about it. Children are such beautiful, fun little wild cards!!

One of my summer weddings, including beautiful twin flower girls!!

If you're on the fence about having children at your wedding, here is some insight from an industry professional that I've picked up over the years that might tilt your decision, or how you approach your decision, one way or another.

Did you know: In a 2024 survey, 79.5% of people polled preferred child-free weddings.

Logistics Considerations

• If having guests with newborns present, consider having a space for the mother to breastfeed. I often discuss offering up the bridal suite during the Cocktail Hour as a quiet space for mom with my brides. A nice, quiet space with some privacy that isn't a bathroom is a lovely consideration for your guests.

• If having guests with young children that AREN'T in the family, it may be best to discuss them sitting close to the back/the end of a row for a quick exit if the baby starts getting fussy.

• Because there is no "activity" for the children to enjoy during the Ceremony, they often try to talk. Ceremonies on the longer side tend to be where I see behavioral issues/noise/crying come up unless we're talking about infants--then all bets are off. If you're having a Ceremony longer than 20 minutes, this could be something to consider.

• The more formal the affair, the less comfortable for children, usually. A Black Tie Ceremony followed by a plated dinner and an open bar is typically not the most welcoming environment for children. A relaxed semi-formal outdoor wedding with plenty of space to run around is where I find kids have the best time and get their energy out naturally.

• The later the start time for the Ceremony, the less likely children are present. If you're having an evening Ceremony, this should be taken into consideration. Most young kids would certainly be in bed before you've cut your cake.

• I've had couples that were fine having children present for the Reception, but not the Ceremony. This is an "easy" fix if you're eloping or having a separate Ceremony in a different location, providing a natural transition time. If your Ceremony and Reception are at the same venue, perhaps consider hiring a babysitter for the Ceremony time, especially if it's only 20 or so minutes. A word of caution, though, the family MUST give proper RSVP notice to allow for enough babysitting "eyes."

• I encourage couples to consider having a "fake send-off" after your meal/cake at your Reception, to allow parents with kids to have a more natural exit. It doesn't feel like they're leaving early or missing anything. This is a win-win because your send-off pictures will include more of your guests and if you're tight on photography time, this could cut an hour or two!

  
  

Pro Tip: Be careful when choosing party favors or send-off materials when children are present. Bubble wands make great pictures but create a massive slippery spot on the dance floor if they're spilled by little hands.

Being Clear is the Best Policy

• If choosing to have children present, a clear policy is the only way to go. Perhaps it's immediate family's children only. Perhaps its ring bearer and flower girl only. Perhaps its everyone's kids are welcome. Perhaps there's an age limit involved. Whatever the policy, be clear.

• Always include the children's attendance policy in the FAQ section of your wedding website.

• Be clear on invitations. "Mr. and Mrs. Wedding" vs. "Mr. and Mrs. Wedding and Family" are very different. Limit the RSVP selection to 2 people maximum if their children aren't invited. This is easy to do with online RSVPs. If mailing physical RSVP cards, manually fill in the maximum guest number.

• If choosing not to have children present in any capacity, a clear policy is also best. " While we love all children, this is an 18+ wedding" or something similar works to clearly outline the policy while being kind.

• If you feel a particular guest would feel strongly about your child policy, it's best practice to discuss it one-on-one before sending out an invitation or taking the website FAQ section live. While most people in general are understanding, you know your guests best. Getting in front of any "issues" before they come up helps alleviate any strain on your relationships. Most people just want to know they were considered and that you care. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but if you feel it would be helpful, a few things you could share that went into the decision are:

  • The maximum capacity of the venue (if inviting children, you would have had to pass on some close friends or family)

  • The overall budget (catering and/or bartending not making an budget reduction for kid portions/no alcohol)

  • The venue environment (if outdoor, sometimes the environment isn't particularly child-friendly. I've done weddings on the side of a mountain with 15-ft drops behind the couple or bodies of water too close for comfort if littles were to get out of sight for a second.)

    
    

The sweetest little ring bearer taking his responsibility seriously!

Ways to Include Children

• Providing coloring books and crayons during the Reception is a great way to keep kids busy.

• Outside games, like cornhole, provide a natural outlet for kids to let off some steam during a Cocktail Hour or Reception.

• I've had a couple brides opt to have a "bridal shower" where all the little girls are welcome to come and celebrate in an effort to include them.

• I had a bride invite their sister's girls to go dress shopping with her so they were still involved in the wedding process, even though they weren't going to be at the wedding.

• My boyfriend's sister took her niece out to a princess high tea to celebrate her wedding. It was intimate and beautiful and the niece had much more fun there than she would have at the wedding.

• I've seen couples invite children to the Rehearsal/Rehearsal Dinner where the children had MUCH more fun than they would have at the actual wedding.

  
  

  

  Consider adding a "for the kids" basket at the guest book table! I've seen sticker books be a big hit during Ceremonies!

There is not a black and white "right" or "wrong" way to make a decision about including children on your Wedding Day. If you need help navigating this, or any other, hard decision with tact and respect for your guests, I'm here to help! Reach out today!

Do you prefer weddings with children present?

• Yes. They're so much fun on the dance floor.
• No. I like an adults-only affair.